J'APE: Just Another Publicity - ebook

This parody is a sarcastic look at how you can be an "overnight" success - by making it impossible for anyone else to succeed as you set the bar astronomically high.

1. How to write a book - real quick, shallow, ghost-written.
2. How to publish your book - hire someone to do it for cheap, like putting their name on the cover.
3. How to sell a book online - using your devoted, Kool-Aid-drinking fan-base to suck-up and give you fake 5-star reviews without having read the book.

Obviously, this is a work of satire and has nothing to do with the real world. And any resemblance to a currently successful bestseller is just a happy coincidence. (Right.)

• Your life is out of Control because you didn't devote yourself to learning celebrity-skills.
• You want to get Approval for everything you do - but that's just the half of it. Find how celebrities can't live without it, so self-publishing puts "Vanity" back into the name.
• You want to have the Security, but really you need to stick to that day job and leave all the PR to PR Artistes who appear on late night info-mercials to sell over-priced junk.
• And you want to Join the group of successful Independent Authors, but except for a few cheaters who stumble into it by accident, the system is rigged to sell only celebrity's books (and cute dressed-up-cat-picture books).

• How to wreck your life and get fired for spending too much time on your book, then falling asleep at work - repeatedly.
• How to ruin your family relationships by getting every relative you know to loan you money and/or write suck-up reviews of your book (and like, and plus, and tweet about it to their friends.)
• Lose any certainty you ever had about how good you are as a writer, because some celebrity comes along with their version of how it "really" works, so no one listens to your advice ever again.
• Discover how a celebrity can suck the air out of a room by just showing up, and how their interviews and PR stunts take the limelight away from struggling unknown indie authors.
• Get access to a "Publishing Success Blueprint" which will make sure you stick to your day job and never try some wacky creative idea ever again!
• And find how the entire publishing industry deck is still stacked against you, so you might as well never try.

Contains actually helpful tips! (Don't tell Richard this, but I included some tactics, strategies, and tips from later research. What you can find out, he doesn't need to know...)

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