Price of Truth (#2 Price of Love) - ebook

Amy

I raced up the stairs two at a time. I wanted to share the good news with Sarah as quickly as possible. She had been my best friend since the moment she walked through the mansion’s door: such a pleasant term for this exclusive brothel that all the men who visited used. Her arrival was like a breath of fresh air. She motivated me to act and get things going. It was thanks to her that I dared to dream and set myself new goals.

I entered her room without knocking.

‘I’ve got it! I made it happen!’ I looked around her room. Different-sized cardboard boxes were scattered all over the place. ‘What are you doing? Are you packing?’ I scanned the mess on the floor again. Clothes, books, personal items – everything was ready to be moved.

My best friend looked at me with guilt written all over her face.

‘Yes, I’m moving in with Boris, and I still have the flat I share with Alan. I don’t need this room. Maybe it’ll come in handy for another girl.’

We both knew very well that the mansion had a lot of empty rooms, so she didn’t need to take all her stuff. Seeing my reaction, she quickly added, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll still be working behind the bar. You won’t get rid of me that easy.’ She stacked another packed box against the wall.

Despite her constant reassurance, I knew that a certain stage in our lives was coming to an end. Her beautiful engagement ring flashed in front of my eyes.

‘You’re coming here regularly for now, but less and less as the days go by after the wedding, until eventually you’ll disappear out of my life.’ I had to move a pile of books onto the floor before I could sit down heavily in the armchair.

‘What a load of crap. Boris knows he can’t limit me. He took it hard, but I’m staying at the mansion and working behind the bar for as long as I want to. I’m also in the middle of negotiating my stage dancing. It’s not like he has a choice. He has to let me; he knows how much I love to dance.’

I raised my eyebrows sceptically.

‘An erotic dance is a dream come true to every man until it’s his wife bending over on the stage in front of drooling strangers with wig-wams set up in their trousers.’

‘More like little pop-up tents,’ she corrected me.

‘What difference does it make? It’s the fact itself. I doubt he’ll let you dance,’ I added resignedly.

If I was him I wouldn’t let my future wife anywhere near a place like this, never mind work in one. It doesn’t even matter whether she provides any sexual services, even helping out by being a hostess, waitress or barmaid wouldn’t be right.

Sarah sighed heavily, as if she’d already had this conversation many times before. And she probably did. She got engaged to Boris a few months ago and straight away I knew that her working here would be one thing they wouldn’t be able to agree on.

‘Where were you? You look weird.’ She shifted her intent gaze at me.

I walked over to the framed mirror in the corner of the room and took a closer look at my knee-length black skirt and white blouse, which I’d buttoned all the way up to my neck. Good thing that Sarah didn’t see the grandma-style jumper which matched my outfit. I don’t normally dress like this, in fact; I’d never dressed like this before in my life. I prefer latex, miniskirts and items that don’t leave much space for imagination, but this time I wanted to make sure my interlocutor focused on my eyes and not my tits.

‘I went for an interview and got an apprenticeship at a hair salon. It’s not the best one in town, but it will have to do for now. I could go to the most popular one, but because they know me there and they know what I do, I bet you a hundred pounds they wouldn’t give me a chance.’

‘An apprenticeship? That’s amazing!’ Sarah ignored my self-criticism. That’s what she was like, always seeing the bright side in every situation. ‘That’s very good news. You went for an interview dressed like that?’ She frowned with her nose. ‘You look like a grandma in these clothes. And where did you get those glasses?’ She snorted with laughter. ‘You don’t even have a problem with your eyesight.’

I pushed the glasses up the bridge of my nose and said proudly, ‘I look perfect.’

‘Why are you in disguise?’ She asked suspiciously.

‘I didn’t want to look like…’ _a whore_, I added in my mind, ‘an escort.’ I finished out loud and lowered my head. It sounded a bit more pathetic than I intended.

Sarah made me look up at her.

‘Never ever let anyone treat you badly. Do you understand? Doing this job doesn’t make you worse than anyone else. You don’t have to hide behind a layer of clothes that don’t even suit you. You’re young, beautiful, full of energy, and clothes are not going to change that. There’s no point in hiding.’

‘I know,’ I whispered softly, but I didn’t intend to give up my camouflage. I felt safe in it, living with false hope that because of the clothes, no one will call me a whore anymore.

‘Maybe it’s time to leave the mansion?’

I looked at her surprised.

‘And where will I go? What will I do? I don’t have a job, any qualifications…’

She laughed warmly.

‘You can do it. You’re resourceful, you’ll come up with something. Don’t look at me like that. I really think that. I believe in you.’

My eyes started welling up with unwanted tears. I’d been doing this for so long that the thought of leaving terrified me. I was too proud to admit to my fear, but that’s what I felt when I thought about changing my life.

‘Boris!’ Sarah looked at her fiancé, who unfortunately also happened to be my boss. Being in his company made me feel uncomfortable, and after seeing the way they were looking at each other I knew I wasn’t needed here.

‘I’ll go now.’ I backed out in a hurry, discreetly wiping a tear from my cheek.

‘Is she scared of me? She always takes off when I come by.’

I heard Boris’s voice as I left the room. I don’t know what Sarah answered. The truth was that I felt weird around him. Maybe something would change if I left the mansion? The thought of that started sprouting in my head, I really had to think about all the pros and cons of this decision. I still had a sister to support. I needed to call her and see how she was doing.

I sat down on the bed in my bedroom. I liked to think of it this way, although the truth was, this room wasn’t mine. I lived in it, but it wasn’t my house. I was an escort girl and my clients paid crazy money for the services I provided.

In the middle of the bed lay a red folder in which I found details of that night’s client. It was time to get back to my duties. I took off the good girl clothes and had a long hot shower. I put on a set of fancy underwear and threw an ankle-length fur coat on top of it.

My client was a doctor who was apparently an expert in his field. He was also a perfect husband… Well, appearances can be deceiving. Unfortunately, I couldn’t say that he was as orderly and balanced in the bedroom as he was made out to be. I honestly didn’t like him. I wanted to pass him on to another girl, but he always paid good money and asked specifically for me. So, I had a hard night ahead; I couldn’t do it sober. I poured myself two shots of vodka and knocked them back for courage. I had three more after that and finally started to feel ready for the upcoming night. Slightly tipsy, I headed towards the limo he’d sent for me. He always sent transport; he wanted me to feel special, at least that’s what he said. I didn’t care what he said though. I wanted to do what I had to and get home to wash off his touch as soon as possible.

The limo pulled up outside the best hotel in the city, in which I knew the reception staff very well. I didn’t even have to ask for the room number. I walked up to the front desk and the receptionist slid the magnetic key across the counter towards me. You’d think that a hotel with such a good reputation wouldn’t allow such things – you couldn’t be more wrong. It’s often the exclusive and popular hotels that indulge their guests and their needs, fulfilling their cravings and exceeding their expectations: even the weirdest ones. I was humming under my breath a melody that I’d heard in the limo. I wished my good mood would last for the entire evening. As soon as I walked through the client’s door, I started to act as if I was programmed. I had a job to do and then I could return to my normal life. I opened the door with a magnetic key and entered the flat.

Tears were pouring down my cheeks. How many times had I promised myself it would be the last time? I scrubbed my body with a sponge for so long that my skin turned red and irritated. I wanted to wash away the smell of the man I’d just spent the night with at all costs. How many nights had I spent with him? I’d lost count.

I felt dirty, empty and defeated. I rested my forehead against the shower door. Hot steam filled the bathroom. The water was running down my back and even that hurt. I knew things would only get worse, but today was simply too much for me. I closed my eyes to forget about the nightmare from last night, but instead, images started to flow through my mind in full intensity.

‘Come here.’ The man pointed to a spot beneath his feet.

I walked over to him with a trademark smile on my face, swaying my hips encouragingly. In this profession everything leads to one thing – money. A happy client means good payment and that’s what it’s all about.

I reached out my hand to touch him as he was sitting on the sofa.

‘On your knees!’ he ordered, clearly pleased with himself.

He pulled my arm, and I landed on my knees by his feet. It was nothing new to me. I noticed a growing bulge in his trousers right at my eye level. To be honest, my thoughts were elsewhere. Usually I was planning my next day or trying not to think about what I was doing. I reached for the zip of his trousers and took out the stiff penis, proficiently moving my hand up and down. The man began to thrust his hips forward. He was much older than me, he could have been my father. I thought about the age difference and immediately began to feel sick. What the hell was I doing with my life?

‘Harder!’ I heard a commanding tone. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it harder on his penis. ‘Suck it!’ he demanded.

I’d done this so many times before, so what had changed that made me want to run away?

He must have noticed my hesitation because he grabbed my hair and shoved his dick in my mouth. I wanted to cry. I was kneeling on the floor in front of a stranger. The rough carpet was digging into my knees. I’d had enough. I struggled as much as I could, but that only turned him on even more. Despite his age he was robust and athletic; my resistance was nothing he couldn’t handle. He pushed his dick into my throat and finally came, satisfied. I choked on his cum, trying to breathe, but he held me in a tight grip and the sperm was running down my chin…

I shook off the bad memories and tried to get rid of the pictures in my head. Once again, I carefully washed my whole body, as if a shower could wipe away the nightmare frames and the sense of dirt.

How many times had I been touched by strange hands? I was disgusted with myself. The thought of all the sex I’d had made me feel sick. I opened the shower door and just managed to lift the toilet lid in time. I threw up. It looked like it was time to change my life. I can’t believe I came to this conclusion with my head down the toilet.

I’d worked at the mansion for the past two years. During that time I managed to pay for my younger sister’s college. She was my only family, because my parents didn’t exist to me, but for my sister I would do absolutely anything. We had a special bond; I always cared for her and looked after her. Our mother blindly obeyed our father, who often, with the help of his belt, tried to influence our behaviour – which in his opinion was reprehensible. I hated him, and I hated my mother too; she was weak and too obedient. Every memory of her caused pain. I’d rather think she was gone than admit she didn’t care about us. She never disobeyed my father, but she never stood in our defence either. That’s why I swore to protect my younger sister from them and the entire world.

I ran away from home exactly one day after my eighteenth birthday. I’d been saving up for a while and hid the money in the abandoned barn near the house. I didn’t have much, but enough for a bus ticket and to live for a month. I took off with my boyfriend, who later stole all my money and left me alone in a big city. I remember how lost and lonely I was. I found a job in a bar, that’s where Sue found me and offered me a job at the mansion. I saw it as an opportunity to help myself and my sister, who was underage then. I couldn’t let her stay at the family house. Not with our father.

I was never a good student, although for Kate studying was a distraction from family problems, constant fighting and screaming. For me the distraction was partying and fun company. Anyway, I found out the hard way how much the people I was hanging around with at the time were worth.

I remember when my grandmother was still alive and I was a child. Our house was clean and tidy, and a hot dinner was always served on time. Dad worked at the local canning factory, but unfortunately changes came, the factory collapsed, he was made redundant and after that he couldn’t find a job. Half of our town shared his fate. He began drinking more, arguments were an everyday thing and he became more violent. Our grandma had enough and moved out. She’d told us she was getting older and wanted to spend as much time as possible with us before she died. Now I know it was a lie. She helped us financially; she even gave our mum her pension. Her death ended up being the worst day of my life. I was older than Kate – I understood more. Suddenly everything was gone in the house. Mum stopped smiling; Dad continued drinking. As days went by, she became sadder and more depressed. She stopped caring and no longer took care of the house. That’s when I learned to cook basic dishes and took over her responsibilities. I spent a long time planning to run way, and did so when I could. The was no future for me in the family town. I wasn’t smart, I didn’t study well, but people willingly hired me to clean their house or help out in the garden. They felt sorry for me and found housework for me to do, for which I received a modest salary. I was conscientious, I always respected my jobs, and knew I could only count on myself.

I called my sister often. However, recently, she’d seemed to be avoiding my calls. She’d planned to visit during the summer. It would be nice to have her near me, even for a little while. She could only visit during the holidays when she didn’t have any studies. I badly wanted to share my news about the internship at the hair salon with her. Sarah told me I should develop my talent for hair styling. That thought had been in my head until I decided to take a chance and give it my best try. I knew I couldn’t be an escort girl for the rest of my life. I had to find myself a new goal and purpose in life before I lost the rest of my self-respect.Lucas

I was driving along in my campervan feeling uneasy. For the last five months, this camper had been a home on wheels for me and my new brown and white four-legged friend, who was currently curled up sleeping on the passenger seat. At least _he_ wasn’t worried about going back to be around people. A full bowl of food, some water and a warm place to sleep was enough for him. I didn’t want to think of my trip as an escape, but in many ways it was just that. It was an escape from my problems, and the overwhelming guilt I was feeling inside. Even the thought of it gave me chest pains. The passing of time hadn’t helped ease the chaos that threatened to overwhelm my mind. The loneliness didn’t help much either, but I had no choice other than to deal with the consequences of my actions and somehow keep on living.

During the first week of my trip, while I had been driving along aimlessly, I had stopped for a night in a motel. I’d been dreaming of sleeping in a proper bed and taking a hot shower after so many hours spent behind the wheel. On the road, I’d quickly learned to appreciate the luxury of hot running water; something that before then I had so easily taken for granted.

In front of that motel, where the paint was peeling off the walls, and the floor in the room creaked with every step I took, I’d found a wretched-looking dog lying there on the concrete. He’d looked at me with his big brown eyes, and straight away I just knew that I couldn’t leave him there. I’d asked at the reception if the creature had an owner, and a man with a goatee beard informed me the dog was homeless and I could keep him if I wanted to; at least then _he_ wouldn’t have to keep feeding it. Taking into consideration the look and general condition of the dog, it seemed that he wasn’t doing a good job of it anyway.

I took the dog with me to my motel room and gave him a bath to get rid of the horrible smell. He’d been gentle and hadn’t minded the pampering at all. I fed him some canned beef I found in my campervan, as it was the only suitable thing I had. I would have to buy him bowls, proper dog food and some treats as soon as possible.

Cleaned and fed, the dog had jumped onto an old armchair, gotten comfortable and apparently decided to trust me, as he immediately fell asleep. Before then I had never thought I would own a dog. I hadn’t even considered it. The athlete’s lifestyle that I lived didn’t allow for it. That was until one day, one small incident changed everything… for both of us, I guess.

I glanced over at my companion again – he looked nothing like the starved creature I found outside the motel. He was lucky, and that’s what I named him. Lucky, the dog who had no shortage of luck. I reached out my hand and stroked his soft, warm coat. He lifted his head to look at me, but quickly found his comfy spot again, settled down and fell asleep.

My mother’s birthday was coming up. Every year I attended her birthday party, and this year couldn’t be any different. On the way to my family home, I intended to visit a friend. I always visited him when I was in the area. The last time I’d seen him was at the opening of his new club; he’d needed someone to bring the media to the big opening and I simply couldn’t refuse. The truth was, though, that I liked parties almost as much as competing in sports.

I turned onto the gravel road that leads to ‘the mansion’. That’s what we used to call the exclusive brothel for wealthy clients that he took over from his father, although the place was actually being run with an iron fist by Boris’s aunt.

I parked the campervan at the back of the huge, stone house. My shabby old camper was actually more suitable for scrap than as a means of transportation for a hockey star. I smiled to myself as I thought of all the sports cars parked in the garage of my luxurious villa. This van had one big advantage over them though: it was unobtrusive. For the time being, I preferred to stay away from the public eye.

I entered the mansion through the back door and made my way through winding corridors that led me straight to the huge kitchen. I’d sent Boris a message to let him know I was coming for a cup of coffee, and I was welcomed by the smell of freshly baked homemade cake.

‘Lucas! You’re here!’ My friend gave me a welcoming hug. He looked better than the last time I’d seen him. I felt a little bit envious seeing him so happy. Of course, I wished him all the best in the world as well.

‘The door was open, so I let myself in. I brought my dog with me; I hope you don’t mind?’ I pointed to the hairy creature standing by my leg.

Boris knelt down and scratched my friend behind the ear.

‘You and a dog? I can’t believe it. How are you?’ He straightened up and looked at me carefully. Just that one look was enough to make my stomach go tight. ‘You’ve lost weight,’ he teased. We both knew I was in great shape. Despite travelling and being on the road, I regularly ran and roller-skated. My body was my work tool, and I had to take care of it.

I snorted, amused by his comment.

‘You came!’ Beaming, Sarah entered the kitchen with clean towels in her hands. She put them aside and gave me a warm hug. Then she looked at Boris lovingly. ‘I’m glad you’re here! I’ll make some coffee. Sit down. I baked apple pie earlier; I’ll serve it in a moment.’

‘She baked that pie especially for you. She didn’t even let me try a piece.’

‘You have to fit into your suit.’ She threatened her fiancé with a finger and laughed dearly, as she noticed the dog sitting by my feet. ‘Who’s that handsome guy there?’

The dog waggled his tail excitedly.

‘There should be some sausage in the fridge. That’s if the girls didn’t eat it.’ She opened the fridge, looking through its contents. ‘Oh, I found it!’ she said, as she cut it into slices and gave it to the dog on a white plate.

‘You bribed him. Now he’ll love you forever. Isn’t that right, Lucky?’

As the dog heard his name, he lifted his ears and looked at me.

‘Lucky? That’s a cool name.’ Sarah stroked him behind the ears.

‘I found him by the road so I took him in.’ I shrugged my shoulders as if adopting a stray dog was an everyday thing for me.

Sarah set the coffee and cake on the table and I helped myself to a piece. It was the best apple pie I had ever eaten. I looked over at my friend who was looking at me uncertainly.

‘You’re not eating? I’ll happily have your piece,’ I offered with a grin.

He shifted his concerned gaze from my face to the pie and smiled.

‘I don’t share my women, or my pie,’ he joked.

Sarah choked on her coffee, and her face instantly turned the same colour as her hair.

‘Dude, that’s obvious,’ I laughed.

A pretty brunette in tight shorts entered the kitchen and looked at me flirtatiously. She took a yoghurt out of the fridge and left without a word. I stared at her fine-looking ass until she was out of sight. I had to admit that the agency was full of cool chicks.

‘Are you thirsty? I’m sure we can do something about that,’ said Sarah, rolling her eyes.

‘You better tell me if you have a suit ready for our wedding yet? And who you’ll be attending with.’ She changed the subject.

‘I don’t have a suit. I’m a guy and I don’t need to buy an outfit three months prior to an event. One last-minute trip to a good shop is enough for me, and I’ll be ready to come alone.’

‘Alone?’ Boris became interested. ‘What happened with the singer? What was her name?’

‘Anita,’ I said. ‘Nothing. We’re just no longer seeing each other.’

He didn’t need to know that our relationship had been a complete disaster.

‘Just don’t disappear before the wedding.’ Now Boris was threatening _me_ with a finger. ‘You’re my honorary guest.’

‘I’m not the one who’s scared,’ I replied sarcastically.

‘Are you staying for the night?’ asked Sarah.

‘I don’t want to trouble you guys. I’ll make my way to my parents’ house.’

‘You’re my best friend.’ Boris looked me in the eyes. We always understood each other without words. He sometimes even joked that I was his brother from another mother. I knew he was worried about what he saw: long, messy, untrimmed hair, a stray dog at my feet… I had disappeared for a long time without wanting to speak to anyone. I hadn’t answered any phone calls, and very rarely answered text messages.

‘I know what I should do,’ I reassured him.

‘Sort yourself out?’ he suggested. I nodded. ‘I will.’

I left the sleeping dog in the camper outside, with a window rolled down so he had access to plenty of fresh air. Lucky had gotten used to the fact that he sometimes had to stay by himself; I couldn’t take him everywhere.

I passed people who were in a hurry. Someone accidentally nudged my shoulder. I wondered when was the last time I’d been in such a hurry; I couldn’t remember. For the past couple of months, I’d lived a different life. Everything around me had slowed down; I got up at dawn, and went to sleep whenever I felt tired. I tried to take a deep breath and not think about the past.

I looked at my reflection in a shop window one last time. Overgrown, unkempt hair, quilted gilet, washed-out jeans and high, heavy, dirty boots. I looked untidy; completely different to what I would usually look like. I tried to remember the last time I’d been to see a barber, but I failed. As soon as I hit the road, I’d stopped paying attention to my appearance. I almost looked homeless, but at least I had kept training hard… that, I couldn’t give up.

I knew I shouldn’t visit my parents looking like this, as I’d probably have them even more worried than they already were. I ignored the vibrating phone in my pocket, even though it kept ringing.

I chose the first hair salon I came across. As I stepped through the door, four pairs of eyes turned to me. The hairdresser flicked through the calendar and shook her head. They had no availability. I should have seen that coming. Apparently, they didn’t do walk-ins. The woman looked at me again and eventually called for an apprentice from the back room. I didn’t care who was going to cut my hair, as long as they didn’t chop off my ears. I grinned at my own joke.

A young girl put on a protective apron and smiled at me hesitantly. She must have thought my smile was directed at her, so I smiled again, which caused her to smile back even wider. Then, she looked down at the floor modestly. She acted very professionally, but I couldn’t help noticing the silent exchange of gestures between her and her boss. I was probably at the mercy of a girl who only knew how to sweep the floor. The thought of that totally got me laughing. The petite brunette began efficiently washing and then cutting my hair. She tried very hard, though I guessed she lacked experience. I looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was wearing an unfashionable blouse buttoned all the way up, a below-the-knee skirt, large glasses on her nose and black dolly shoes on her feet. She looked different to the women I was used to being around. There was something nice about her. She came across as pleasant and happy, but quiet, as she didn’t speak much.

I thanked them for the service and paid by the counter, then, at the very last moment, I turned towards the girl who cut my hair, but she’d already grabbed the broom and begun cleaning the floor.

‘Hey, wanna grab some coffee during your lunch break?’

She looked at me from under her long eyelashes and nervously fixed the frames of her glasses. Strands of hair fell over her eyes. I wanted to grab them and put them behind her ear. She looked at me and then questioningly at her boss.

‘Go, go. We’ll manage without you,’ her boss said.

‘I’ll just grab my bag. I have half an hour,’ she replied timidly as she disappeared into the back room.

I literally had a second to change my mind and take off, but instead I waited patiently for a couple of minutes. I thought she’d changed her mind, but she came out of the back room wearing the biggest and ugliest coat I’d ever seen. She said she’d be back on time and headed towards the door.

‘There’s a Costa Coffee just around the corner. Is that okay with you?’ she suggested.

‘Sure, great idea. I don’t want you to get back late.’

She smiled slightly.

‘You’re new, right?’

She covered her eyes, already hidden behind her big glasses, with her hands and said, ‘You’ve got me figured out already.’

‘It wasn’t too difficult,’ I replied, grabbing her hands and pulling them away from her face. I realised that I’d held onto her warm hands a little longer than I should have, and let go of them feeling confused. Then I said, ‘Let’s go’, a little harder than intended.

‘Look, maybe that coffee’s a bad idea after all,’ she began, staring at the floor.

‘Sorry.’ I was confused by my rude behaviour towards her. ‘I haven’t been around people much lately. I think I’m out of practice.’

She shrugged.

We arrived, ordered our coffees, then I paid and let her choose a table. She took off her weird coat and hung it over the back of her chair, then straightened up and looked around the café nervously.

‘I’m on my way home right now. I was gone for a couple of months. You literally saved me from unnecessary and uncomfortable questions about my overly long hair.’ I touched my new hairstyle.

She frowned and wrinkled her nose.

‘I don’t even know your name,’ she said.

‘Lucas, it’s nice to meet you.’ I held my hand out.

‘Amy.’

She gave me her hand and I shook it.

‘So, I know your name is Amy, you like your coffee with milk and sugar and you’re an apprentice at a hair salon…’ Plus you wrinkle your nose funnily when you’re contemplating – I added in my mind.

‘That’s quite a lot. And I know nothing about you.’ She lowered her eyes and stared into her coffee with feigned interest.

Women usually love to adore me; sometimes they’re subtle about it, and sometimes intrusive, but this was the first time one had been embarrassed and intimidated by me. Still, I wanted to get to know her better. I wanted to find out what she was like when she wasn’t avoiding my gaze and running away. She intrigued me and was completely unaware of it.

She adjusted her glasses in embarrassment. It had been a long time since I’d felt the desire to get to know someone as much as I wanted to now.

‘I have a younger sister and I want to become a professional hairdresser.’ She looked at the watch on her wrist, which didn’t suit her at all. It looked very expensive and contrasted with her modest attire. That discovery intrigued me even more.

‘What are you doing this evening? I’m staying in town for a night. Maybe we should go out and grab something for dinner?’ I hadn’t planned on staying earlier, but now a night in town seemed like a great idea.

‘I don’t have any plans,’ she answered after thinking about it. ‘Give me your phone. I’ll type in my number,’ she suggested.

She was one big contradiction. One moment she was shy, and the next she was ready to take control of the situation. She intrigued me more and more every second.

When we’d finished our coffee, I walked her back to the hair salon and promised to let her know once I’d booked a table for dinner. She turned to me before she closed the door of the salon and I smiled like a fool.

On my way back to the camper, I called a friend, who runs the best Italian restaurant in town, and asked him a favour. I knew that bookings were usually made weeks in advance, but I asked if he could put in an extra table especially for me. He agreed without hesitation. After all, he owed me one after I’d got him VIP tickets for an important match.

I sent Amy a message, letting her know the time and place of our meeting, and took Lucky for a long walk in the park. Then, I ate a burger at a diner with the dog watching by my leg. There were only a few hours left until my dinner with Amy.

I rented a room in the best hotel in town. The receptionist looked at the dog by my side and started giving me a talk about their ‘no animal policy’, but I pulled out my VIP card and she instantly changed her tone. It’s unbelievable how the magic of money works.

I called my mother and announced my arrival for the next day, while Lucky settled down in the middle of the bed among the decorative pillows, then I lay down next to him and we quickly fell asleep together.Amy

When I got back to the mansion, I began wondering what to wear for the upcoming evening. My last date was… basically never. Even the asshole I came here with didn’t take me on dates. Meetings with clients didn’t count either; it was just work, I wasn’t emotional about them.

I sat on the edge of the bed and placed my head between my knees. I’d heard this position helps to get rid of panic attacks and anxiety; exactly the feelings rising inside me. I can’t date anyone. I’m not like the other girls. Even if a potential relationship had a chance of surviving, eventually the truth about me would ruin everything. I should call and cancel. On the other hand, though, it was just dinner. He wasn’t proposing to have babies with me, or a house with a beautiful garden and a white fence: just dinner at a restaurant.

‘Is this some sort of new yoga position?’

I raised my head and found myself looking up at Sarah’s curious face.

‘I’m actually meditating and praying for some sunshine before I go out on a date.’

‘Yes, we could do with some sun. It’s been raining for way too long.’

I looked at her with a confused expression.

‘Why are you staring at me like that? You’re going on a date, I heard you. What are you going to wear? And who’s the lucky guy?’

‘I met him today at the salon. He invited me for dinner, and stupid me agreed to it.’

‘What’s so bad about that? You’ll get to have a nice time with good food and conversation.

‘Seriously?’

I left it at that, without any further comment. Sarah knew what I thought of men. I felt like I didn’t deserve to have a normal relationship. I didn’t even know if I could be with someone for longer than just a quick fuck.

‘I’ll wear a dress.’ I pointed to a knee-length turtleneck dress hanging next to the bed.

‘A little bit modest for you, don’t you think? But heels will sort that out.’

‘I’ll be wearing dolly shoes.’

‘Heels!’

‘Dolly shoes!’

She placed her palm on my forehead. ‘You don’t have a fever, but you’re definitely delirious. Just please don’t wear those awful glasses, okay? I actually came to remind you about the dress fitting tomorrow afternoon. You remembered, right?’

‘Of course, I did! Better tell me what type of wedding cake you’ve chosen.’

At the mention of the upcoming wedding, Sarah’s smile lit up so much that she could literally replace the sun. It looked like my prayers had been answered after all.

‘We decided on a three-tier cake, all in white. Only the roses will be gold, like your maid of honour dress. Each layer of the cake will be a different flavour. I picked vanilla, Boris wanted chocolate and the third we decided together will be strawberry. The cake will be brought out with some sparklers.’

I nodded my head in horror, listening to her speech about the cake. It was a damn cake, but Sarah talked about it like her life depended on it. I got up and gave her a hug, and she hugged me back, looking surprised.

‘I’m happy for you,’ I whispered.

She had been through a lot when she lost her beloved grandmother who had been her only family. I was genuinely happy she had met the love of her life; someone who would allow her to develop. That thought struck a nerve – she didn’t have it easy either. Her way to happiness had been tough, and yet everything had worked out just fine. Maybe there was some hope for me after all?